His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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