Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
