does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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