i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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