Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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