You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
