you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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