Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
