You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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