connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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