I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
ttyl tear gas
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
