what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
