I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
