my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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