did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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