I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize