You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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