It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
