She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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