You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
