My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
