btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
