his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he thought i was a dude.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
did i just pee glitter
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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