Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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