Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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