if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
