i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize