If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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