I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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