were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
