Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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