Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
