Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize