Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
