Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
