Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
