This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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