i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Someone signed my nipple.
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