If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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