Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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