The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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