I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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