your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
