i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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