Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
