He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
