i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
