My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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