now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
