i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
