it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You should frame my arrest warrant.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize