think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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