i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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