are you still at the devil's house?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
