I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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