Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
