Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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