last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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