What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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