We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
