Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
