chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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