just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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