I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
