She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
