Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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