I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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