i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
